*Sigh*

Today is just one of those days. One of those days when everything really piles on. One of those days when nothing seems to go right. When everything that is wrong in your life knocks on your door & says "hey how's it goin?"

Because of a certain person, I now owe almost 3 thousand dollars in lawyer fees. Not to mention the other 5 thousand I already paid to my lawyer for the retaining fee, plus money I paid to a previous lawyer to do absolutely nothing for me. Also, this certain person, not only did he START the court proceeding, he never bothered to show for the trial. Thanks a whole bunch. Even though I lost my job halfway through these court proceedings, I somehow cannot have this bill paid for by the court. I have to pay for it myself, nothing they can do for me because I didn't want to leave the fate of custody to some lawyer the court appointed for me(unlike some other unamed person). So now above & beyond student loans, a car loan, car insurance, dental insurance, cell phone bill, uninsured doctor's bills, copayments, babies r us credit card bill, diapers, groceries, clothing, gas, and the list continues, I have a HUGE lawyer's bill to pay. Not to mention I wanted to go back to school, and needed to take one more class to be able to and that's about 500 bucks I don't have. Plus, the little girl has started solids, so double the grocery bill. *Sigh* Never enough money it seems.

This certain person seems to cause more problems. Not only did he START the proceeding, push for crazy visitation & joint custody, NOT show up at the trial and then NOT receive any set visitation, but he came home for 2 whole weeks during her first birthday & christmas & never called once. Yup, that's right, he never called his daughter or me once to be able to see her. Yeah, he really cares about her doesn't he. What I thought was a bonus, I have proof he was home. After talking with my lawyer today, nope just keep around the evidence & when he tries to make more crazy claims in court, then I have proof. Awesome. I thought maybe this could be used to strip him of all his rights because he clearly does NOT care about his daughter. *Sigh* How did I end up with a daughter with a father who could care less that she even exists?

This certain person is also pretty angry, very angry actually. About a LOT of stuff, now he has access to tons of weapons. In a way, I'm glad he didn't contact us, he could have hurt one or both of us. But that still doesn't stop the fact that he is VERY angry at me and he is a person who carries out his anger into actions. *Sigh* Lord, protect us.

I don't have insurance because I lost my job & couldn't afford the thousand dollar monthly payment for family care. I can't afford to put myself on any insurance. So if I do get hurt or an accident happens, we're screwed. *Sigh* Lord, keep me safe.

I still have yet to get around to making a will & assigning a legal guardian for Analiese. Meaning if something does happen to me, she goes to, yup you guessed it, that certain person. *Sigh* Oh, Lord, please don't ever let that happen.

The man who made Analiese's crib & dresser made them both WAY TOO BIG & now we're cramped in our room. Plus no standard size crib mattress fits, there is a HUGE gap on both sides, and all custom made crib mattresses are upwards of 200 dollars. *Sigh* How do I keep her safe in her crib when I can barely afford a correct mattress size?

Because of the certain person & his crappy insurance through the military, not everything is covered. The court ruled he has to pay 77% of uninsured, I have to pay 23% of uninsured. The doctor's office doesn't want to "get in the middle" so I get the pleasure of figuring out how much I owe & how much they are to bill him, which he never pays then they bother me for his portion. Plus, I don't get the doctor's bills or papers from the insurance because the insurance is through him. So it's extra hard for me to get the doctor's to give me what I need even though I am not the "guarantor". AND I got something in the mail stating that the doctor's office got his ssn wrong and that the office needs to resubmit the claim. Once again, more hassle for me and more garbage to deal with because of him. *Sigh* If he had just left us alone like he said he would & like I told him to, he wouldn't have had to pay support or any medical bills & I wouldn't have had to deal with any of this, nor would he. He could go on pretending like he didn't father a child & also not have his finances show it.

Lord, help me. That's all I can say today. Just, help.