Dreams, Wishes, Hopes Dashed

Once again, it has been a long time since I've written. I'm sort of in a writer's slump and I've also been soaking up life with the little girl and enjoying being content in my situation. However, I received disappointing news today that has put a significant damper on the wonderful past several months I've been having.

My cousin attends a Christian Writer's Conference every year and she's always asked me to go. This year I thought I might actually be able to go. I looked into it but because of circumstances I have to take Liese with me and I can't bring her without bringing a nanny. No problem, I have someone but I have to pay for that person. The cost of the conference is over $400 just for me then I have to pay an additional $150 for my nanny. I really thought this was going to happen for me as it would give me an opportunity to meet with editors and maybe even get my unwed pregnant women devotional book started. I was getting really excited about it and preparing pieces to bring. Partial scholarships are available so I figured what with my low income and all I would for sure get most of it paid for especially because they won't pay for my nanny. I wrote about needing a scholarship and how much I would need, etc. I have been waiting for about a week now to hear if I would get a majority of the money covered. I heard today finally. They only authorized $150 in scholarship funds. Which means I can't go. I almost cried. I'm really brokenhearted about this as I thought God was directing things in such a way so that I could go. I really thought God was leading me to this conference this year. I know that this ultimately means I'm not meant to go to the conference this year but it's hard for me to face that fact right now. I'm upset, mad, sad and disappointed. I was looking forward to it too much, I had already pictured myself there and getting offers from editors to start my book. I know, ridiculous but a girl can dream, can't she?